I know, I know.. I disappeared again and I am sorry my lovelies. Life took a turn and I can’t even say it was “un-expected” because deep down I knew it was a possibility for a while. It is sad and scary and still hard to believe.
I rang in the New Year as a single woman for the first time in 14 years. I was able to make it through the evening without too much sadness (wine helped lol) but when the clock struck midnight and all the couples were giving celebratory smooches I felt a little empty inside. It is a huge adjustment trying to get through holidays without a partner, next up is Valentines day which won’t be easy but I already have a plan to soften the blow.
The last three months have been full of stress,worry and sadness with a little bit of hope mixed in. Trying to make sure I can financially survive on my own and keep my boys in the only home any of them really remember put a lot of stress on me. A few weeks of barely eating or sleeping lead to being irritable often and losing weight (not in a good way). I coudln’t even look at food without feeling nauseous or vomitting. Things seem to have settled down and my mind isn’t constantly racing. I am confident that I made the right choice and know there are brighter days ahead!
When you make the choice to end a relationship it doesn’t mean that it was a walk in the park. It is honestly the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life. A person can only live in a pretend bubble for so long before it breaks them down and changes them. My ex is a wonderful man in many ways and we remain friends and are amicable for our boys. I wish the best for him.
I will be sharing some of my single mom/ independant woman experiences here on the blog.. not all but some. If my journey helps someone else going through the same thing then I am happy to share it.